she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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