I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
