my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
