giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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