direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
