so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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