i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
