My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
