Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
