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drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
