Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
