AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
