HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
