when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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