i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
