She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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