i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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