Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
