Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
