Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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