her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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