you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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