just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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