Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
