Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
