Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
