Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is Oprah even human
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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