dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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