I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
