My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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