you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
