Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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