Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
