Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
