Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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