What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
