Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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