he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
