I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
