i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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