Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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