If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
