So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
