Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
