i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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