why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize