I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize