i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize