somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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