We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm too high and old for this...
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