I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
