Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
