my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
