I hate your face
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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