My liver just broke up with me...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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