My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
