we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
