He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.