apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.