its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina