How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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