Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
