whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
