There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
