you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
