Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
