And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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