summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
