Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize