I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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