WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
