the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
