Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
