You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
