4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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