I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize