awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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