Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
