Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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