Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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