I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
