he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The adults are the big ones right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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