He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
