Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
whose parrot is this?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
