I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
