The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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