Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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